Journey into the Dark Side

This morning, in The Way of Mastery I read the following..... "Who do I know in my existence who I have judged, and locked into a certain box, and I have decided that is all they are?" ............................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................................................. In asking myself this question, I heard the answer to be "ME." I feel the emotional pangs of self-hate in this response. Years of deeply intense personal work have not erased this deepest of all issures from my psyche. It continues to live in the collective mind of humanity, and I am a part of that. So, I look at what this looks like and feels like inside of me. .................................................. .............................................................................................................. I hear the words "You are not..." at the beginning of each statement the ego voice speaks. "You are not worthy...deserving...productive...creative...talented... responsible...credible...valuable...wise...beautiful...loving...generous...loyal... compassionate...kind...etc. It is all a crock. You are not any of this...no matter how hard you try...you are not." .................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................................................... The voice sounds harsh, unforgiving, ridiculing...almost happy in a sick way to tell me all of this. I hear the distinct sound of pleasure in the voice telling me how I am not anything of worth. This is the sound of the ego ...the voice of the world I have created and believed in. ........................................................................................................ ...................................................................................................................................................................... In listening to this, I feel sick to my stomach...nauseous...thinking this might all be true about me. Could it be? What happens to me if it's true? It appears there is no where to go. I feel hopeless in the face of nothingness............................ ................................................................................................................ It is in that moment.... when I feel tied to a rock and sinking in the ocean.... that a quiet voice speaks. .................................................................................. ................................................................................................................ "Remember, dear one, that you are love. You are innocence. You are a child of God. You are the One...with all life...you are the One. You have simply forgotten for a moment. And, in that forgetting, you believe the world and all the limitations it sets. None of it is true. I am here to remind you of this. Move to your heart center. It is in your heart that you will find the truth for yourself. Stay committed to truth. stay committed to honesty with Self. When you feel dragged down emotionally, you can allow it without getting lost in it. Allow it and you will move thru it. And if, by chance, you get lost in it, fear not. Your commitment to truth is your lifeline to the Holy Spirit who will not let you drown in a sea of forgetfulness. So, take heart. Move into the heart center and ask Truth to reveal Itself to you. Remain quiet and listen. The Truth will come." ..................................................................................................................................................................... ..................................................................................................................................................................... In hearing those words, I find a calm settling over me. There is nothing to fear. I choose to believe that, and that desire opens the door to something different! Peace descends into this body and the story of self-hate fades like a disappearing cloud. Although I continue to experience waves of self-hate.... doubt.... fear...., there remains a subtle yet grounded sense of unwavering peace. It is my mainstay in the midst of the storm, and I am left with a sense of possibility. Hopelessness fades into nothingness as Love gently takes my hand and leads me thru the passageway into the Light. ...................................................................................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................................................................................... This process is not for the faint of heart!!